At the risk of sounding like spam mail pushing breast enlargement pills onto innocent web surfers, I just found this amazing site Improveverywhere and you should all check it out!
This is a fun and kind of subversive organisation that creates large scale street art like this:
and this:
Like they say. We cause scenes.
British version now please.
So i went in to Manchester this morning to go job hunting. I had been wondering down Market Street looking at the shop windows, seeing if any of them were seeking to hire people to put behind counters and say things like ” Would you like cash back?” when i suddenly realised that I’d been so engrossed in my own little world that i had foolishly wandered deep into a swarm of NSPCC charity workers. I froze. Eyes wide open in fear. There must have been nine or ten of them and they had me totally surrounded. There was no way out. Had they noticed me yet? I didn’t have to wait long before i had my answer.
It was a girl. Once upon a time she would have been just like us. An ordinary human being with a family and dreams. Perhaps she had aspired to become a doctor or an artist. But she had had her life ruthlessly taken away from her when she innocently fell into their trap: A simple newspaper advert sirening her in with the promise of ten pounds fifty an hour plus commission. But instead she had been horrifically upgraded. Her entire personality extracted and replaced with an irreversible concoction of sugar and hyperactivity. It was too late for her.
I saw her hand twitch. The first impulse of the over enthusiastic wave about to head in my direction. The shiny glint in her eye told me everything i needed to know. I had mere seconds to escape before i was trapped.
Without thinking my hand reached for the nearest scally and i swiftly pulled out a concealed samurai sword from his Diadora jacket. The Daily Mail was clearly right after all. I faced the girl and in a split second i had flung the sword into her head and right out the other side. She ran manically around repeating those pre-programmed lines over and over again “HIYA THERE DUDE DO YOU HAVE A SECOND” “HIYA THERE DUDE DO YOU HAVE SECOND” “HIYA THERE DUDE DO YOU HAVE A SECOND” as her charity worker circuitry overloaded and shutdown.
But i had disturbed the others. I took the samurai sword from her head like a knife out of butter and ran for my life, taking a couple more out with an impressive mid-air-sword-wielding-360-degree-revolving-somersault. As i pounded down the street and the fading sound of the dying charity workers was replaced by the whistling of razor sharp clipboards sailing past my ears from the remaining NSPCC pursuers, i turned into a side street and stood there was my neighbour, called Peter, with a flux capacitor. He told me he’d built a time machine like one in a film I’d seen. So i got in and he took me to the year three thousand. Not much had changed but they lived underwater and your great, great, great granddaughter was pretty fine. Pretty fine.
But the relief lasted mere seconds. A solitary charity worker, young with blond dreadlocks, had clung to the spoiler and come with us. He climbed onto the roof and using his enhanced charity strength, smashed his fist through the roof and ripped off my arm. As i screamed in sheer unimaginable pain Peter blasted the dread-locked man into atoms with a ray-gun he had taken from the glove box.
I was bleeding all over the car interior so Peter said we had to go to a hospital run by cat nuns on a planet called New Earth. But i never made it in time and as the day turned into night Peter vowed to avenge my death by slaying every last charity worker walking the face of every planet throughout time.
I died and woke up in heaven. Heath Ledger was there and i told him he was very good in The Dark Knight and he said “Thanks”. He was now working on a romantic comedy starring alongside Judy Garland and it was due to be released throughout the afterlife in the next couple of months. I said “I’ll look forward to it” and he said “It wasn’t my time to die yet and i must return to Earth to fulfill my purpose”. I asked him what my purpose was and he said it was my destiny to lead humanity into a new era of peace and prosperity with a revolutionary performance of King Lear.
He clicked his fingers and instantly i was standing at the train platform in Manchester as my train was pulling into the station. My arm had reappeared which was handy and so i headed to the safety of home to begin my work as the saviour of mankind.
How was your day?
If so then you should get some darkness in your life and watch Paranoid Park written and directed by Gus Van Sant! It is based on the presumably equally dark BOOK by Blake Nelson. Think “Brick” meets “Rumble Fish” without the bikes. Or something.
Trailer goodness!
Why do i like this?
I’m a pretty big sucker for Gritty-Melo-Dramatic-Indie-Teen-Films and it definitely appeals to the hoody wearing, skateboarding, floppy haired teenager lurking inside all of us! Unfortunately I fell off a skateboard the first time i put my foot on one back at the tender age of four and low the seeds of fear were sown. But i did get the hoody! It was red and i loved it!
Buy it HERE. The film that is, not my hoody.
TODAY I’M LOVING:
TODAY I’M LOATHING:
If this was your new ipod you’d be trying not to scratch the fetching chrome casing. Perhaps you might buy it a handy ipod sock to keep it safe from harm.
If this was your new car you’d be taking long sniffs of that new car smell. Perhaps you might buy it a pine tree air freshener to make the magic last.
This is my new blog.
If this were a book, the corners would be dog eared and the front cover missing. If the pages were to fall out perhaps i might reattach them with a long piece of sellotape.
I’m rubbish at keeping things neat and i doubt this will be any different. I’m hoping it will fill up with a whole load of random nonsense about my life, my thoughts and my plans. And you never know, i might just keep one or two of you entertained when you’re supposed to finishing that essay!
First things though. Kudos to me for coming up with my URL. Sometimes my brilliance at word based puns just knocks me for six.
You should all buy the new Conner Oberst album.Click here for Conner goodness
Here’s a video i linked to on my Facebook page and I’m also linking here. I’m good like that:
I have a new love. Photography. Tomorrow i’m off out for some serious shooting time in Manchester with my longtime friend the all singing, all dancing and general all round good egg, Matthew. He’ll then be off to work and I’ll be off to look for work.
On a more enjoyable note, Edinburgh is just a week away!!! More and more people are coming up on the bank holiday and if that includes you, let me know! It’s going to be a weekend of performing arts, drinking and all round comedic merriment right up in one of the most beautiful cities in the U.K!
GOOD THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
BAD THINGS THAT MAKE ME SAD
If this was your latest blog subscription you’d probably visit it every day to check for updates. Perhaps you might add a comment to make it even more exciting with your own interesting point of view..?
Love you all! x
P.S If anyone’s seen the lid of my USB stick lying around on my desk somewhere give me a shout.
P.P.S This is more fun than Facebook
